Re: Thyseneal: V 3.6 ::REVAMP::

by **mattattam** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:29 am

The Bison King wrote:
I miss the line about fertilizing fields with carnage though. That really was a selling point for me on the first one.

Slip it in their. I'm sure you can

by **Industrial Helix** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 11:50 am

Lemme, try my hand at this...

Tell me, O great muse
of the sword and the spear
the rise of our kings
of battles raging near

Tell of the armies
who fight with great zeal
waging glorious battle
throughout all of Thyseneal

As for the legend at the bottom... Couldn't you use a similar frame as you have with the bonuses legend? You could probably leave the abbreviations out though and keep them as they are.

And regarding the black writing... bump it up a few pixels.

by **natty dread** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 1:55 pm

Eww, IH... no offense, but your poem sounds a bit... cheesy. (not that I could do any better, though)

by **mattattam** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:10 pm

I was just going to say that I liked your original much more. But you could come up with a good poem. I like it how it is currently though.

by **The Bison King** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:15 pm

You could probably leave the abbreviations out though and keep them as they are.

BTW what do you mean by this specifically?

by **The Bison King** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:26 pm

What would you think of a more ornate version of the bonus frame above?

*note that I have to change the phrasing on the longer road bonuses to make them fit (complete line)*
oh, and obviously (including Dalmus) would be slid over to fit in the frame

And here is a new poem (I think the best yet)

With Shield in hand and sword to wield,
Conquer thy foe and subsume his field,
Let their carnage fertilize the earth,
Let their strength in battle prove their worth,
For in the end only one takes all,
Of the epic land Thyseneal

by **natty dread** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:45 pm

What would you think of a more ornate version of the bonus frame above?

Could work, do it and we'll see.

With shield in hand and sword to wield
conquer thy foe and subsume his field.
Let their carnage fertilize the earth
let their strength in battle prove their worth
for in the end only one takes all
of the epic land of Thyseneal.

Fixed.

by **The Bison King** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:53 pm

Could work, do it and we'll see.

uh, it's sort of going to be a trick, a lot of measuring is involved, how bout we agree on something first, then I'll do the final version.

by **The Bison King** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:55 pm

Oh, and I'm glad you like the poem.

by **natty dread** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 5:59 pm

I like it, but I wonder about this part:

for in the end only one takes all

"only one" seems to make this line a bit clumsy. How about "for in the end but one takes all" - it's a bit more complex linguistically but flows better IMO.

by **The Bison King** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:07 pm

"for in the end but one takes all"

Alright I bite.

by **MrBenn** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:29 pm

The colours look a lot better now, although I still think they could be a little bit more murky.

As an aside, the grpahics CAs will review each map according to their review schedule; requesting a stamp in your thread title may only serve to annoy them

by **The Bison King** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 6:31 pm

As an aside, the graphics CAs will review each map according to their review schedule; requesting a stamp in your thread title may only serve to annoy them

ah I did not know that... do I get to know anything about the schedule or is that privileged information?

by **The Bison King** on Thu Jul 01, 2010 7:22 pm

Ok, I've got a pretty good Idea of what I want the Road bonus frame to look like. I don't have the time to show you now, but soon...

by **mattattam** on Fri Jul 02, 2010 1:20 am

The Bison King wrote:Of the epic land Thyseneal

I think, "In the epic land of Thyseneal" flows better. That poem sounds pretty good.

by **Industrial Helix** on Fri Jul 02, 2010 6:41 am

Yeah, you're second version is much better, Bison.

by **The Bison King** on Sat Jul 03, 2010 10:34 am

Ok, here is a rough comp for what I'm thinking for the rest of the bonus framing. The final version will be a much cleaner water color version, with a semi-transparent white background. I think if you look at the other bonus chart you can get a pretty good idea of what to expect. Thoughts?

by **mattattam** on Sat Jul 03, 2010 1:53 pm

I like the design. The part above, "Road bonuses are held by holding..." is too bulky in my opinion. It draws the eye to that spot because it stands out more then the other borders. Making it a little slimmer in parts should do the trick.

I have a few suggestions on the poem. I think you should use the Early Modern English terms more in your poem like thy, thine. I also suggest taking out, "in battle" in the fourth line. It would read like such:

With shield in hand and sword to wield,
Conquer thy foe and seize his field,
Let their carnage fertilize the earth,
Let thy strength prove thy worth,
For in the end but one takes all,
In the epic land of Thesynal

I couldn't find the Early Modern English words for his, their, and the if there are any.

by **ender516** on Sat Jul 03, 2010 8:27 pm

mattattam wrote:I like the design. The part above, "Road bonuses are held by holding..." is too bulky in my opinion. It draws the eye to that spot because it stands out more then the other borders. Making it a little slimmer in parts should do the trick.

I have a few suggestions on the poem. I think you should use the Early Modern English terms more in your poem like thy, thine. I also suggest taking out, "in battle" in the fourth line. It would read like such:

With shield in hand and sword to wield,
Conquer thy foe and seize his field,
Let their carnage fertilize the earth,
Let thy strength prove thy worth,
For in the end but one takes all,
In the epic land of Thesynal

I couldn't find the Early Modern English words for his, their, and the if there are any.

At the risk of making this seem more like an English class than a graphics workshop, I think the meter (the rhythm) in lines three and four is off. "Fertilize" is too many syllables, "feed" would fit better. "Valour" would have a better ring than "strength". And unfortunately, I have no idea how "Thyseneal" is supposed to be pronounced: "Thigh-sin-eel"? "Thigh-sen-ee-al"? (Forgive me if this has come up in an earlier post, but I don't see it in the first.)
The poem also switches from a singular foe in line two to a plural one in line three. I would suggest changing "their carnage" to "the carnage", since using the possessive leaves me wondering if "his carnage" is the carnage he suffers or the carnage he inflicts.
As far as earlier forms of some words go, "ye" or

is an old version of "the", as in "ye olde mapmaker's shoppe". That wasn't pronounced with a y like yellow, because it was just a variant of a single letter, thorn, that was pronounced just like "th".

by **The Bison King** on Sat Jul 03, 2010 11:05 pm

To Ender516:

I should tell you that you read Mattattan's version and NOT mine. There are several differences in the syllables and words used. Read this version, and If you have suggestions regarding those things please inform me.

With Shield in hand and sword to wield,
Conquer thy foe and subsume his field,
Let their carnage fertilize the earth,
Let their strength in battle prove their worth,
For in the end but one takes all,
In the epic land of Thyseneal

And Thyseneal is pronounced (Thigh-sen--ee-all)

To Mattattan

I must confess that I think the old english sounds pretty cheesy to me, besides I don't know enough about Actual middle old English to pull it off even if I wanted to. Thanks for the comment on the border I'll take it into consideration.

by **ender516** on Sat Jul 03, 2010 11:24 pm

Your meter is better than mattattam's. The singular/plural issue is still there, but it's not a big deal. You could try:
"Let the carnage fertilize the earth,
Let one's strength in battle prove one's worth,"
And I think you have misspelled "wield" as "weild" on the map.

by **natty dread** on Sat Jul 03, 2010 11:28 pm

With Shield in hand and sword to wield,
Conquer thy foe and subsume his field,
Let their carnage fertilize the earth,
Let their strength in battle prove their worth,
For in the end but one takes all,
In the epic land of Thyseneal

The rhythm is still stumbling in the 3rd line, also the 4th.

I suggest changing the order and words a bit:

Let their courage prove their worth
their carnage nourish the earth

by **The Bison King** on Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:03 am

Here, I ran this by my mom who knows a thing or two about the English language, poetry and that whole sort of thing. I sorted out the rhythm with out changing the words too much. This also sorts out the singular/plural issue.

With Shield in hand and sword to wield,
Conquer thy foe, subsume his field,
Let carnage fertilize the earth,
Let strength in battle prove Its worth,
For in the end but one takes all,
In the epic land Thyseneal.

by **ender516** on Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:51 am

That sounds fine. Aren't moms the best?

by **The Bison King** on Sun Jul 04, 2010 12:56 am

Absolutely especially when they are smart!

Re: Thyseneal: V 3.6 ::REVAMP::

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Poetry corner

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Road bonus frame comp

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Requesting Graphics Stamp

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Poetry corner

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Road Bonus frame comp

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Re: Thyseneal: V 2.5: Keep on keepin on

Who is online